Personal Change: How to Recognize
and Cope with Life’s Transitions

By Melissa Hoyos, CityU Alumni Relations

Graduation. A new baby. Divorce.

Life brings non-stop changes – some are expected while other personal transitions often can be shocking. Mental health professionals say those who handle change best, typically, acknowledge emotions, express fears and call upon people to help them through a difficult period.

Faculty and students of City University of Seattle’s Counseling Center regularly see community members, including students and alumni, to provide counseling services on a sliding scale fee. Clients meet with student interns enrolled in the master’s level counseling program here at the university’s Bellevue campus.

Karen Langer, CityU of Seattle counseling center director, says clients range from those dealing with stress to relationship problems. Student interns also help clients with severe disorders, such as depression and schizophrenia. All information stays confidential.

“Counseling helps. Talking to someone who doesn't have a vested interest in making you feel good. That sounds funny but you don't necessarily want to talk to your spouse if they are going to protect you and say, ‘It's OK, it's OK, it's OK’ because then you are not allowed to feel those feelings,” says Langer, who has spent more than 25 years in the mental health field, both private and non-profit sectors.

Langer, also the Professional Development Chairperson at the American Mental Health Counselors Association, says often happy times can be the most stressful times in life.

Recent college graduates, especially returning adults who have made a career switch, may have a mixed-bag of emotions about their changing environment, she adds.

“You are very excited because you are done. On the other hand you are very scared because you are done,” Langer says. “Being able to say ‘I'm scared’ is a huge step.”

Rainey Chace, a counseling clinic intern, graduates this month with her Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology. She’s learned to be more compassionate and use her personal childhood experiences, such as her absent father, to relate to her clients.

“I’ve been there and I can identify with that (family problems),” she says. “I try to find our common denominator.”

Chace plans to earn her state mental health license and explore the possibility of counseling children.

		Langer’s helpful tips to reduce stress and manage change: Acknowledge/recognize feelings to avoid destructive behavior Stay active/Exercise Maintain a healthy diet/sleep schedule Don’t try to figure everything out in one day Continue to do enjoyable hobbies and activities Confront irrational thoughts Keep a close support system Talk to a counselor or individual without a vested interest in your happiness

Kaki Kesterson, a 2005 Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology alumna, enjoys speaking with graduate students like Chace and helping them recognize their own strengths before they transition into the real world.

“I feel like a cheerleader for City U’s MACP program because I believe wholeheartedly that City U prepares students well for work in diverse arenas of counseling, (such as) clinicians, therapists, case managers, social workers, and community advocates,” Kesterson says.

Kesterson, now a birth parent counselor for a parenting and adoption agency, also advises students and others facing momentous life changes to examine their situation.

“Change is like a wave on the ocean. For one wave to begin, another ends. Change is uncomfortable but brings about the potential for new opportunities,” she says. “We will come out with a deeper understanding of the world and of ourselves during the process. And yet, some days it’s really uncomfortable. If we accept that too, we can touch and pass through the emotions without becoming sunk by them.”

Adds Kesterson: “Laugh and breathe.”

Contact 425-709-5333 for more information about the counseling center or read about the counseling center here.

Click here to listen to Langer's advice.

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